Archive for February, 2003

In love with solitude

February 26th, 2003

Been feeling a little unwell – sore throat – probably not helped by sitting outside last night and smoking quite a few cigarettes. Couldn’t sleep again. Even my tried and true method of attempting to drown myself in alcohol didn’t work. Thinking too much I suspect.

Worried about the world. Had a catch up with H last night with the normal free ranging arguments over politics – though we steered clear of Israel, Palestine and other topics that could lead to bloodshed. So instead the topics ranged from urban warfare in Bagdad to Ayn Rand, Fukuyama and neo-liberal politics and then onto jokes about the French – “What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Bagdad? A salesman.” and my other favourite “What did the French say to Hitler when the German’s invaded during World II? Table for 10,000 monsieur?” So a good night for that – though I had to restrain him from tearing anti- posters off the wall. He sometimes can be quite the crypto-fascist when he wants to be.

Anyways got to go. Life rolls on. Sending happy thoughts out to all. Take care.

Sunday afternoon confusion

February 24th, 2003

Oh and apologies to anyone whom I had a conversation with on Sunday evening. It was a hell of a weekend and the two glasses of wine I had made me distinctly odd in the head. The couple of people who phoned will have to forgive me for being distinctly philosophical in a wanker kind of way. And I have some recollection of discussing religion so anything I did to further cause schisms in world religion was entirely unintentional and please call off the Papal death squad.

Lost for words

February 24th, 2003

So another day, another dollar, another sweltering afternoon in my office minus air con because the bloody building people have broken it yet again – “oh we’ll be back later in the week with a new widget thingy-bob that’ll fix it up no problems” – meanwhile I melt. My office feels like Far North Queensland on a hot day and I feel like an ice cube dropped on a corrugated iron roof on said day and in said place.

Wrote a letter to my friend J today. Addressed to her in the remand centre where she being held until her trial. Took me a long time to come to terms with what I wanted to say. Hard to find the words I guess when you fighting a battle between expressing both fear for her wellbeing and anger at her actions. I think I ended up expressing a combination of fear and anger. Didn’t want to totally make her feel alone but didn’t want her to think I condoned what she had done. Someone, including her, could have been killed. Armed robbery isn’t some victimless bloody crime. I’m hurt to because I’ve supported and defended her so many times over the years and this like the ultimate let down. I suppose speaking as someone with an addictive personality – once a , always a .

Giving comfort

February 22nd, 2003

Apparently by expressing my democratic right to protest against the activities of our government I am giving comfort to Saddam Hussein. It shows the immense arrogance of our leaders, especially John Howard, who seems violently opposed to seeing reason on this issue (and a variety of other issues). As previously mentioned it will be my pleasure to happily assist in voting the dufus out. Of course if I wasn’t a pacifist I’d be perfectly to accelerate the transition at the moment. Annoyed with the world and Australia’s place in it.

Broke down my door, helped yourself to my soul and skin

February 20th, 2003

Been another long week. Though had some reassurance that if things don’t go well with the current venture I am not totally out of a job. Which good to know. It’ll make me happier in the long run I suspect if I just meander along doing this rather than going out on a limb back into another corporate environment and drop dead of a coronary six months later. *smile*

Thinking up cooking ideas for tonight. Tonight being the only blank in the menu drawn up this week for home cooked meals – perhaps a curry. Though I can’t be fucked with rice. Perhaps cous cous instead. Ah well put in back of mind and think about it some. Japanese tomorrow night at the ever lovely Asakusa – mmmm – Japanese.

Still punching out SLA stuff. Very slow going as I want to make it as simple as possible whilst still explaining the to people with little or no experience of SLA-driven environments. Very frustrating when I find myself writing something and then having to backtrack it when I realise it will only make sense to someone with my experience. Ah well back to the drawing board *smile*

Progressive thoughts

February 18th, 2003

My life progressing positively today. Quite happy. Talking to people, listening to music, chatting, work, impending visit to a bookshop. All activities that warm my heart. Indeed a good day from start to late middle (so far at least). I woke up this morning and had about a half hour of that ‘in between’ sleep and wake time when I rolled over a few times, stretched and vaguely conversed with L as she got ready for work. I actually slept for eight hours last night. Longest time in weeks. Weaved my way to work. Had my probationary review which I passed with flying colours which means I get to keep my job *grin*. Discussed all the issues I had gotten worried about and now have even have some resolutions planned. I suppose these things tend to go in phases. You tend to worry about things and feel like things are a little hopeless or difficult to resolve. Then someone offers a different perspective or you are having a different sort of day and all of a sudden things seem not so bad. So today things not so bad!

Adios all. And a snippet of poetry that came to me this late afternoon. Which I can’t do anything more with. Perhaps some other time.

life races on
through straights of time
and into curved passages
which resemble whispered mazes

P.S. And having just spotted the tea stain on my sleeve much thanks to the person who made me spit my tea across my desk *grin*.

Walk against War

February 16th, 2003

Went to the rally today in the city – estimated 250,000 people in and 400,000 nationwide. And right down to the country towns – 5,000 people, a quarter of the population, turned out in Armidale. Must be close to the largest demonstration ever held in .

The march stretched so far that when we returned to Hyde Park the end of the march still hadn’t left the starting point. Of course John Howard, the mindless drone leading our country into a 82% of us don’t want, has stated that the marchers aren’t ‘representative’ of the Australian people. Well I think next time around we’ll have to represent him right out of office. In order to achieve that I might even vote Labour instead of Greens.

Signing off angry because I fear they won’t listen and our soldiers yet again will be in harm’s way following flawed American leadership, doctrine and ideology. Soldiers do not die for the Prime Minister, or for the Australian government. They agree to risk their lives for the Australian people. If the government denies the people’s will then it the responsbility of the Senate to bring down the government. We can only hope that they have the political will to act.

Waifish Passion

February 14th, 2003

Had a small frenzy listening to lots of old Waifs stuff and then deciding I really did still love them and their rather odd lyrical style. Thus with the Waifs in mind I’ll leave this entry for all with the lyrics for ‘The Haircut’ which rocks my little world at the moment:

‘The Haircut’ by The Waifs

This more than a haircut I’m wearing on my head
I thought I’d dye it red but got it cut instead
And maybe I could send you my long blond locks
Cause you were always after something baby
something I’m not

See I’m darker underneath, I’m darker by far
I’m dark as hell – you know who you are

My eyes, I always, I wished they were green
My skin so damn brown but the sun, it don’t see
And fingernails I could’ve stuck them on
The hair on my lip I should’ve waxed it off

Yeah I know my lips could do with a little more pout
The mole on my chin I can do with out
And my cheekbones, they never sat real high
I’ll get some bone put in, they can take it from
My thighs

I’m darker underneath, I’m darker by far
I’m as dark as hell – you know who you are

So now when I make love I make love to myself
I got no disease so it’s good for my health
I got my hands in my pants – down my calvin kleins
I don’t need you no more baby, I can come every time

I’m darker underneath, I’m darker by far
I’m as dark as hell – you know who you are

Don’t you ever show your face here again
To me or any of my friends
Cause I’m glad I found out what you’re all about
When I finally fell down off my cloud

Cause baby when you ran away
You broke my heart
You kept my Kerouac and that old guitar
And I am darker underneath, I’m darker by far
I’m as dark as all hell, you know what you are
I don’t need to tell you, you know what you are
I don’t need to tell you, you know what you are
I don’t need to tell you – I don’t need to tell you, no
You know what you are

This more than a haircut I’m wearing on my head
I thought I’d dye it red but I got it cut instead

Quirky

February 12th, 2003

And go and read Another fine pickle – it’s … well kinda quirky in a shy, romantic sort of way.

Teardrops fall on every page

February 12th, 2003

Listening to The Waifs new album. I didn’t like their old stuff much – they kept drifting too much toward country for me. I liked a couple of tracks off ‘Sink or Swim’ though – ‘The Haircut’ an outstanding track for example – sort of a female Paul Kelly thing going on in it. And as anyone knows my weakness for Paul Kelly that means it has a sort of acoustic guitar meets folk meets Australian accent going on. And I always thought ‘A Brief History…’ was one of the most romantic songs I have ever heard. The new album interesting though. Some good stuff, some average stuff with the single, London Still, almost certainly being the best track off the album.

Otherwise just meandering around and doing various pieces of work. A quiet afternoon all in all.