Archive for March, 2002

Well it’s Friday and I

March 29th, 2002

Well it’s Friday and I still seem to be smoke free. Don’t feel much better and have that monster cough you get as your lungs try yet again to clear the muck out from themselves again. Ah well can’t be helped. Hopefully it won’t hurt for too long.

Just finished setting up my new laptop and am now puzzling through the things I’ve probably forgotten to bring over from my old laptop. I think I got everything but you always have a gotcha. So I’ll leave it a week or so before I hand my old machine onto it’s next owner.

Finally finished in the Diaries A-Z section of Zeal – Thank fuck – because I was getting awfully sick of angst ridden teenagers writing about the fact that ‘Johnny didn’t love them’ and that ‘Missy was mean’. Some teenagers genuinely seem to have it rough but their feelings overall lost in the roar of the rest. I know it’s different being a teenager and that sometimes your feelings get a bit overwhelming but in reality most people have it pretty good.

Listening to: Pete Yorn, The Ataris, and The Cure. Eceletic but strangely pleasing.

Well folks I’m still off

March 26th, 2002

Well folks I’m still off the smokes. Which to any non-smokers out there may seem totally pathetic to be talking about two days as a significant effort but I guarantee you that it . Now I have to find something to do with my hands whilst at the pub tomorrow night.

And yay me! I may have finally recruited today. I am totally paranoid about recruiting these days and I took a lot of persuading to like this guy and it took some final brain wrangling before I let sense override caution and I realised I was over-compensating. He’s a cluey chap so I think some of the workload can be passed over to him and I can enjoy life *lol* not…

I am inordinately happy for some reason. I am feeling fairly pleased about massive effort undertaken at Zeal this week and also about the progress of the couple of projects I am babysitting. Life looks good and seems to hold considerable promise. Leaving you with the fine thoughts of The Ataris from their classic “My So Called Life”

“Da, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, now!”

Listening to: The Cure, The Sundays, and the crackle of lightning.

Meandering along today. Nothing much

March 25th, 2002

Meandering along today. Nothing much happening. Tonight I am updating a squillion more sites at Zeal. Mostly diaries and the like. It occurred to me that I can’t do much at work because I’d be stuffing up their Internet figures. About a million hits to Diaryland would make the Corporate IT guys annoyed I think. But I them out so we’d probably be even. I’ll wait till I get home before blowing serious bandwidth.

Well big news of the day that I got up this morning feeling distinctly unwell and decided that smoking would have to be off the agenda again. So I’m giving up again – which I believe official try number 8 or 9 depending whether you count the 12 or 13 minutes when I thought about it in 1999 and then went ‘fuck it’ and kept going. So first cab off the rank the Nicobate patches which will be required to get me through the first time I sit down and read a . This because my fingers start a’crawling for a smoke as soon as I crack open the and then it feels like the most natural act. Fuck me. I’m getting a craving just sitting here. Annoying and hopefully not a sign that I am doomed to fail before I barely begin. Last effort got me through six months smoke free before it all went to shit. Then there’s the dreaded pub – first visit to which Wednesday and then the visit to the family next week – which combines stress with airplanes – all of which means that I have chosen a really fucked time to give up. Well we’ll see how I go. If I come over all sheepish tomorrow it’s because I failed to last a day.

Listening to: Air con and blessed silence.

Just Zealing away today. Going

March 23rd, 2002

Just Zealing away today. Going through Diaries A-Z and quite enjoying it. Some interesting stuff and some very interesting people. Some shite too but then you get the good with the bad.

Going have a traditional Pakistani and video night tonight. Was planning to make a sambal but ended up deciding that I coudln’t be stuffed and that the Pakistani take away was easier. The take away is home to hordes of Pakistani taxi drivers (and I presume a few other nationalities eating Halal). This is not only an excellent endorsement of its authenticy but also a hell of a laugh sometimes. They take one look at disrepututable little old me and the conversation just stops. I don’t think they can work out why I’m there. They know since some of them have seen me before and the fact that I don’t need the menu to order that I’ve been there before but they seem to think it’s odd that a white ghost would like their food. Or perhaps it’s because they see me as an invader in their place. I can understand that. At least I don’t bring in booze. Some people are soooo dumb and try to bring alcohol into a Halal place. Hello! They’re devout and practising Muslims! It’s like bringing raw steak into a vegetarian restaurant or serving pork to an Orthodox Jew. It’s distinctly poor form. (rant on) Bloody ignorant idiots. (rant off)

Anyways got to be off. Cheers.

Listening to: Manic Street Preachers and some Beth Orton. Weird music day.

The only time I find

March 21st, 2002

The only time I find being different backfires me when I actually need to be taken seriously. My usual example shopping. Do you think for the sodding life of me I can get served in the men’s wear section of major department stores? One of the unfortunate requirements of working for a corporate that I need to buy suits and business shirts. For this I buy some suits second hand from op-shops but every now and again I have to go and buy from a department store. So I set foot in David Jones or Grace Bros/Myers and go to the men’s business attire section. And then I stand and wait. And wait. And wait. Sometimes I wait near the counter or actually leaning the counter as several sales stuff wander around or gossip the phone. Or my repeated requests for attention are answered with “Just a moment sir – I’ll be right with you” – when I’m the only fucking customer in the area and there are three staff just sodding hanging around. Happens all the time and it fucking shits me!

Powering through lots of sites at Zeal. I found a sort of sad and sort of weird couple of sites whilst cataloging some online diaries. A former couple who had a bad breakup and had both started diaries – initially without either knowing they had started diaries. It was kind of sad, like you were peering over their shoulders as they performed an often painful autopsy their relationship and their lives. Each responding to different incidents and with different focuses. It amazes me what people will to the Internet and for the purusal of complete strangers. Hmm sometimes I resemble that remark.

Listening to: the scramble of the cats and The Cure. Listening to a lot of The Cure lately. Starting to feel all go-fic or something. *lol*

Love Long Ago

March 19th, 2002

I remember meeting her
Eyes laughing and little known
of good that could come to me
Or sorrow built from horses curse
that would see us apart for so long

She was smiling,
pale and skinny with a spark
that lit me and her spaces
With need then but soon to begin
all that would make its revenge me

Places dark and words unspoken
little meant lies and tokens
followed secret hungers into
country retreats and smoky mornings
that were ended only with scarlet tears

At what cost I paid of
lovers torn and ventures broken
when she last walked away
still means nothing
compared to eyes laughing and open

A few days ago I

March 18th, 2002

A few days ago I was ranting away about differences and the categorising of people into groups and sub-cultures. I finished then by commenting that “And sometimes I like being pigeon-holed into a sub-culture it makes life easier…” I like it because people don’t bother me with stupidity. I know a lot of people don’t bother to annoy me or ask dumb-arse questions like: “Wow you’ve got tattoos! Does that hurt?Why did you wear x? Why do you think x? Or how come you cut your hair life that?” because they just think that I’m eccentric and therefore some weirdness is to be expected. I find the fact that eccentricity also scares people a little. People tend to steer a little clear and be a lot more carefully of you if they think you’re a ‘ticking time bomb’. Whereas some of my other eccentric friends who play ‘normal’ at work get massively annoyed by inane questions, comments or generally annoying people. I find that people just assume I am slightly unstable and therefore to be treated with some care.

I suppose lastly is that I like being different and being perceived as different from other people. Bloody hell! Who wants to be like everyone else? If I wandered around in the same bumble-arsed way, wore the same clothes, believed the same lies and listened to the same crapola music then life would be boring and scary. It is the people who celebrate difference and change who make a difference in the world. Those who aren’t afraid of the foreign and the unknown. Who aren’t guided by conformity and prejudice in their assessments of people and ideas. I by far want to be one of these people – not the other sheep. So if that means I am considered eccentric and weird then so be it!

Watching/Listening to: my colleague Kat having her lunch time nap at her desk.

Back again on Sunday afternoon

March 17th, 2002

Back again Sunday afternoon after now having spent a whole weekend not working. Which I think may actually be a record for me. I confess to sending two work related emails but not actually doing any of the work I had planned at all. It’s a weird feeling – wonder if anyone will notice Monday. *lol*

Also whilst cataloguing sites I stumbled across snoozefunction which belongs to a girl I went to school with, Erin. I’ve seen her once or twice since school – she went to Uni with one of my exes (a dreaded one whose name I do not speak) and I saw her a few times at social things and I seem to vaguely remember a trip down the coast years ago but I haven’t seen her since. She’s witty and got some interesting things to say. Also some great photography and artwork. Anyways check it out.

And yes still waiting for brain to get into gear for finishing my rant. Maybe tomorrow.

Listening to: New Order and The Sundays.

Well it’s Saturday and I

March 16th, 2002

Well it’s Saturday and I slept for about 14 hours last night. About 7.30 I just flaked and woke up at 9am when Lu was getting up to go to work. Much needed sleep because I was absolutely wrecked at work Friday. So I got up and, after performing some chores around the house, I sat down to do some work. Then very shortly thereafter I got up and went to the video store. It took after ten seconds to determine I wasn’t in a good frame of mind for the whole work thing and so I said: “Fuck it! I shall actually relax and be a vegetable today.” So fruit juice and remote in hand I did exactly that. I only bestirred myself from there a few minutes ago because I wanted to write some stuff down and to tinker with a new webpage design. Still thinking about how to conclude that rant about difference. Maybe tomorrow.

Listening to: The Cure (again) and The Queers ( a starting with ‘The’ band kick). Today I fell in love, well today I feel in love, yeah today I fell in love…

Well another day, another dollar.

March 14th, 2002

Well another day, another dollar. Long day today – didn’t sleep well last night again and the world also a depressing place again. So many fucked up things happening here and abroad. I try to be a little funny and cheerful. In fact at work I seem to spend a lot of time being the ‘funny guy’ when actually I don’t feel all that funny at all. I occasionally get some very weird looks because people see some kind of ‘inappropriate’ humour emerge from my lips. I think they either assume it was a joke that back-fired or assume that, because I’m considered ‘a little eccentric’, that they just weren’t my wavelength. Actually it’s the allegedly ‘not normal’ part of me creeping out and wanting to play. My boss understands perfectly. He’s got exactly the same streak but he expresses it with considerably less emotion. Also I find a lot of people seem to think that this weirdness or eccentricity somehow bad. That normalicy or perhaps more precisely conformity safe. That the non-normals are dangerous or even trouble-makers. A good case was a few months ago when I wore an Hawaiian shirt to our monthly mufti (casual clothes) day at work. Now Hawaiian shirts form a significant part of my usual attire outside of work weekends as I’m very fond of loud examples of them. So when I was asked why I wore it by a couple of people I was somewhat puzzled. I mean it’s not like they’re unusual items of clothing or anything? According to my questioners it apparently ‘weird’ and ‘alternative’ to wear an Hawaiian shirt unless you were at a BBQ with a South Pacific-theme – a direct quote. When I explained that I liked wearing them people seemed confused. As this explanation proved unsatisfactory I told them I was part of a Hawaii Five-0 fan club. At their completely blank looks I just said ‘Aloha’ and walked . People think because I wear an Hawaiian shirt that I’m weird? And not knowing Hawaii Five-0? But I digress… Or, perhaps more accurately, it was that I wasn’t wearing a variation of what they were wearing so I was weird? Any difference always challenged. a tangent Sars at Tomato Nation wrote some comments talking about girls acting out against other girls. It focussed a great deal of the fact that ‘difference’ was a key factor in acceptance and isolation amongst these school kids. It’s well worth a read – even if you’re not a woman and didn’t experience it. Shows that boys bullying of each other distincly unsubtle and undeveloped. Back in the adult world though it can be seen to that difference still divides us all into groups, classes and sub-cultures. And sometimes I like being pigeon-holed into a sub-culture it makes life easier…

Some more thoughts this later when my brain in higher gear. In the meantime I’ll celebrate my difference – my slight stand against physical conformity – earrings, tattoos and Hawaiian shirts et al. Adios all and take care…

P.S. In my opinion weird not knowing that Che’s first name was Ernesto, that Louis Antoine Saint Just died in 1794 and that Australian grammar doesn’t use a serial comma. By my definition of weird I think about 95% or more of my collegues qualify as weird. Damn my prejudice!

Listening to: a mix of rocking tracks from The Donnas and some mellow Cure singles.